So, here I am, early 30’s, having the worst periods you could ever imagine! Seeing doctor after doctor with no relief in sight. Finally, a specialist takes my case and tells me I need a hysterectomy. Even though I didn’t want any more children, the fact that I no longer couldn’t, was kind of a downer. But such is life. Early 30’s and no uterus.
So, here I am, early 40’s, and suddenly can’t see. I went from 20/20 vision to needing someone to drive me around. Again, doctor visit after doctor visit, expensive contacts, needles in my eyes, and still can’t see. Finally, a surgeon suggested a cornea transplant because keratoconus had progressed so quickly, there was no other option. Another surgery, with a donor cornea, and still can’t see at night. Early 40’s and horrible vision.
So, here I am, late 40’s and suddenly bleeding from my bootie. An emergency room visit turned into a hospital stay with colonoscopies, cat scans, liquid diets, and blood transfusions. And this repeats itself 4 times in 4 months. Oh, and did I mention, a stay in ICU? Doctor after doctor, specialist after specialist, surgeon after surgeon…all came to the conclusion that my colon is simply, no good. Now, I’m faced with another major surgery that will require me to have my entire colon removed. I turn 46 years old in two months and I am having to decide if I want to live with a colostomy bag. Late 40’s and no colon.
Now, I know there’s someone saying, Danielle it could always be worse. And you’re right. But in THIS moment, this is MY worse. I try to make light of the fact that I normally don’t have health issues but baby when I do, I DO! And I’m honestly tired. Because how does one, with so much faith, who speaks so much positivity and light into others and their situations, have to fight to keep the faith through her own battles? Instead of asking God “Why me?”, I’ve been trying to ask God what’s the lesson in all of this. But I’m having a hard time finding it. To be honest, I’m tired of being poked and prodded on. I’m tired of surgeries. I’m tired of major injuries. I’m tired of being in a position that makes me have to depend on others.
This thing called life is a beautiful battle. And I know God doesn’t makes mistakes. I just have to make it to the other side of the battlefield! No uterus? No problem. No vision? No problem? No colon? No problem? Why? Cause I’ve got this. Tired. But I’ve got this.
Pray for me!
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