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The Evolution of...Me!

I received a beautiful text from a good friend the other day. It caught me off guard; so much, that I sat in my car for about 10 minutes trying to get myself together from an ugly cry. It was a text of encouragement, a text of applause, and a text of acknowledgement of the person that I had become. It honestly took my breath away!

For sometime now, I felt like I wasn’t enough. Enough of what though, I don’t know. For over a year, because of my eyes, I had to depend on others for so much. I had gotten so overweight, that I cried when I looked at a picture someone took of me at a birthday party. Living in a new city, with not many friends, I longed to fit in but didn’t. I guess you could say I lost myself. Fast forward some months...I had a cornea transplant (which greatly improved my vision), I got a new car, have been able to work more (and play more) but for some reason... I still felt I wasn’t enough. Something was missing. Why am I battling depression at this point in my life? Why do I struggle to find the highs versus the lows of the day? Why do I prefer being in bed over being with loved ones? Oh yeah, how could I forget? It’s called LIFE! Trying to work unrealistic hours to make ends meet, while remaining a decent mom, while trying to be a good daughter (but not too bossy) and a half way good friend; remembering to check on those that might need a little extra love (when I’m the one that could use it), maintain a strong spiritual life...being mentally, emotionally, and physically drained made me feel so inadequate! And then there was that text! It was a reminder that I am enough! I have been through more than I ever imagined I could handle...and yet I am still standing! Living in a new city (that I’m not very fond of), accepting my son’s decision not to finish his college career, watching how much pain my mom is in all day everyday, falling head over heals with someone who turned out to be one flame shy of the devil, living on a beer budget with champagne bills, being legally blind, gaining so much weight that my legs and knees were in constant pain, hair began to fall out, missing my friends back home, all while trying to pretend I was fine. My daily excitement was getting in the shower because it became my safe space. I knew no one would see my tears there. I didn’t have to be strong in the shower. I could release all hurt, sadness, and frustration and let it run down the drain with the water. And then dry off and be Super Woman again (or at least Bat Girl). And then there was that text! It made me realize that I have been going through ALL OF THIS! Going THROUGH! I didn’t remain stagnant! I didn’t give up! I didn’t curl up in a corner! I went THROUGH it! Now, there was a time, I would have done just that! Regardless of age, I would have said ”Forget this!” And went crawling right back to mommy. But I truly feel like these experiences have helped me grow up. They have helped me evolve. I know I am strong. I know I am powerful. I know I give the best of me. I know... I have evolved!

And evolution doesn’t happen overnight. It can take a while, and that’s ok. But the key is to learn as you grow and KEEP growing! Keep evolving into who and what God has created you to be! And remember, while you are evolving, ALWAYS....beYOUtiful!


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