Who exactly is Dani of DaniGirl Living? From the surface, you can already tell I own a one woman run business, I work for a major airline, I have vision issues, I love my family and friends, and I love to eat and travel. But what lies beneath? What makes me tick? What keeps me going? I thought long and hard about posting such a vulnerable blog but writing has always made me feel better. And who knows, reading this, might help someone on their life's journey as well. So here we go...
I'm a 42 year old mother of one. I've tried to be the best mother I could be (even though it didn't start that way) I had no clue how to raise a child. But thank God I have a loving mother who stepped right up to the plate and helped raise him like he was her own. Hell, I remember only having $0.26 to my name leaving the hospital with him in my arms but she was right there to provide his first needs. I had a pretty dope childhood so I tried my best to make sure my son had one also. I often reflect on mistakes I made as a mother and pray my son sees the efforts put in to correct them. Overall, I think I've done ok.
Like previously stated, I work for a major airline. It is very tough, especially now, to smile while doing my job. The jokes and laughter from coworkers is what often keeps me going, My job does allow me to travel to many places however, I don't think it's currently supporting my purpose. The sad thing is, I've lost track of my purpose. But we'll get into that in just a bit. I am owner and operator or DaniGirl Living, which if you've been following me, you know is a dope blog with cute merchandise. It is very rewarding and my goal is to have my blog read across the world! There have been plenty of times that I wanted to give up but I do plan to keep at it for the long haul.
I am an emotional Pisces and when I love, I love HARD! Even with so much love to give, I have never been married and its been years since I have been in a serious relationship. Unfortunately, the last few times I have fallen in love (or even fallen in like for that matter), the feelings have not been reciprocated. It often makes me think that at my age, true love has flown over my address and landed at a different destination. I act like its fine but honestly, it bums me out pretty badly because just as much as I want to experience being given true love, I also want to give it. It's weird to have so much love in your heart for a person(s) and can't say anything for fear of rejection and disappointment. The heart wants who and what the heart wants and there is absolutely nothing the mind can do to deter it. Trust me! I desire affection, romance, and time. But not like you think. It's the little things that make me happy. Grabbing a pizza and watching a movie on the couch means just as much to me as buying me a fancy gift or taking me on an expensive trip. Call me random times of the day. Tell me a stupid joke. Let's take a drive around the city. Hug me for no reason. Share your emotions with me and trust me with them. Tell me your desires and your fears. Build with me. Laugh with me. Include me in your thoughts and plans. These are my love languages. Show me that you've taken the time to learn them and then implement them in your own way. Like, I said, the heart wants what the heart wants. Stay tunes to see what the cards hold for me.
I must say, I truly blossomed during 2020-2021! I think I was more social this year than I have ever been in my entire life! And I have to admit, I owe most of that to my friend, Darius. I've flown more, I've tasted different foods (including sushi), and I even took mu first international trip. I must say, it has been amazing. However, I have also noticed people falling back during my blossoming. I can't front, losing and not talking to people that I thought would be around for forever hurts like hell but I guess it's all apart of the growing process. Not everyone will be genuinely happy for you. Some will let the slightest fallout expose true feelings. And that's ok. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? Well at this point, I have to be one of the strongest women I know because geesh! And I am definitely tired of hearing "Danielle, be the bigger person." Like why do I always have to make things right? When will it be someone else's turn to admit the hurt that they've caused? But whatever. I'm learning that I like being alone but I hate to be lonely. I desire attention but I'm not an attention whore. Like, acknowledge that I am around. Engage me in conversation. Include me in a few plans. That's it. That's all that I ask.
TRUTH BE TOLD:
I'm sad...a lot! But I do an amazing job at hiding it because who wants to deal with my issues when they have their own, right? I hate to ask people for help. I'd rather be the one lending a helping hand. Just today, someone helped me but it SEEMED to be done with an attitude and it immediately made me want to never ask again. I believe in God and I am grateful for all that I have been blessed with but sometimes I wonder if He still hears me. Like, why do I go through some of the losses and heartbreak that I go through? I know, life happens to everyone, but this is MY story and these are MY thoughts. Truth be told, I question God, a lot! I question Him, not to be selfish, but because my heart longs for so many things that just keeps slipping my grasp.
My biggest fear is losing my child. I also fear the death of my mom and brother. I fear dying alone. I fear I will never be married or in a meaningful relationship. I fear I will never get to experience some of the things that I long to do ( I won't say here because there are some things that need to remain private).I fear of losing my sight completely. I mean, I know I'm a baddie but I don't want to be a blind baddie! LOL I'm afraid someone is going to push me to the point I have to do time and I am afraid of jail. Orange is not my color. I fear I won't gain the full understanding of my purpose again.
I am Danielle Evelyn Curtis aka Dani. I love hard. I give my all. I want the best for myself and all of those around me. Your actions towards me speak much louder than your words, even though I almost never forget the things you say to me (especially out of anger). I probably give too much too freely too quickly (but that's just me). I am very prideful, a bit bossy, very emotional, and stingy. But I'm also funny, caring, loving, and what I consider to be an overall DAP (Dope Ass Person). So here's getting to know me. I hope you stay around for the long haul. But if you decide not to, I understand. But for those who do, tell me more about yourself and let's ride this mutha till the wheels fall off!!!